


I Need Help Believing You Are Here

by ThePoetess



Series: Les Miserables [2]
Category: Les Miserables
Genre: Friendship, Love, Multi, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePoetess/pseuds/ThePoetess
Summary: Just to explain - Enjolras was a nickname I gave a friend. We aren't really friends anymore though and I feel bad about it. I totally screwed up





	1. Stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Enjolras (I'm sorry)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Enjolras+%28I%27m+sorry%29).



> Just to explain - Enjolras was a nickname I gave a friend. We aren't really friends anymore though and I feel bad about it. I totally screwed up

Enjolras returned to the Musain late after the most recent protest- something that was highly unusual for him. While leaving the square where the protest had been held, he'd been stabbed in the chest by an angry citizen that opposed the change he and his friends were trying to bring. He stumbled a bit as he entered their meeting space, the grace he usually moved with long gone now. "J-Just keep talking, okay?”  
Enjolras nodded and looked up at Joly from where he laid on the ground, his hands pressed against the wound he'd received when their latest protest had ended badly. He was glad that Joly was there now, as he knew that his friend would be able to help him. "Alright, Joly.." He whispered, smiling a bit.

Joly was trying to keep his panic in check "Okay," he rummaged frantically through his med kit "You're not gonna die, you - you can't!" The last words came out faster and louder than he meant "Enjolras, I'm gonna take care of you, you're going to be fine - I promise - I won't let you die like like -"

Enjolras reached over and rested his hand on Joly's arm softly, seeing that he was having a hard time staying calm. He didn't want Joly to panic. "It's okay, Jol.. I'm not going anywhere..." He whispered, smiling what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Enj was already having a hard time staying awake, but he knew that he couldn't sleep yet.

Joly took his hand, but, kept rifling in his med kit with the other one, the one that was bleeding, he was seething with rage and fear "You better not - not like Jeh-an." It hurt to say his name "Like Jehan." He found what he was looking for and inspected Enjolras's wound with a med students keen eye "I'm not letting you die."

Enj nodded slowly. "I know you won't, Jol.. And I'll do my best to hold on." He said, closing his eyes for a few moments. "How bad is it..?" He asked, glancing down at his chest where he'd been stabbed by someone who didn't really agree with the change he and his friends were trying to bring.

Joly began to cry softly "Not ba-d no-t bad -" his voice shook, giving him away.  
"I'll soon have you patched up and you will be okay, I'll get you back on your feet in no time- I just have to -" he heard loud footsteps and angry voices. 

"Please don't cry, Joly.." He whispered, squeezing his hand gently. "I'll be fine." He turned his head toward the voices, hoping that they weren't people who meant them harm. Enj couldn't protect Joly or himself with the state he was in currently.

Joly took out a needle and stood up as the men came around the corner "Hey! Get out of here unless you want to see your blood and guts up close!" Joly yelled angrily "And you! Yeah you! I don't forget what you did! That guy you were beating to a pulp, that was my boyfriend! You get out of here before I use my medical knowledge to gut you guys!" He couldn't be scary if he tried, He went back to administering to Enjolras's wound. 

Enjolras's eyes slipped closed slowly. He just couldn't seem to stay awake any longer. Enj just hoped that Joly wouldn't worry about him too much as he slipped out of consciousness.

Joly finished with the stitching, (Enj probably had been too numb to feel him start) and started bandaging him, ignoring the semi-circular ring of men that had formed, He was worrying about Enjolras, to the point where he had started hyperventilating. 

Enjolras wasn't feeling much of anything at the moment, which was a good thing because he wasn't in pain, but a bad thing because it proved how badly he was injured. He managed to force himself to wake up again shortly after Joly finished bandaging his wounds. "Joly..?" He asked, trying to focus on his friend's face.

Joly nodded as he finished up and took out a small pair of surgical scissors out of his med kit "Yeh, I'm here Enjolras and and - I'm not going anywhere - just stay here for a moment-" Joly stood up "What do you guys f-ing want?" One of them pointed to Enjolras "Your loud mouth friend with the blonde hair, he's been getting under my hair." Joly frowned "Not much hair eh?" He looked back at Enjolras "You can't have him." He stepped in front of Enjolras. 

"Joly..Don't.." Enjolras pleaded, trying to sit up. He couldn't let these men hurt Joly and Joly certainly couldn't take them all on by himself. But Enj knew that he wouldn't be able to help much in his current condition.

Joly smiled softly "Heh, I can't probably take all of you guys, just wondering though, any of you ever been in prison?" Joly was trying to buy some time, he looked back at Enjolras and frowned, his hand holding the scissors started shaking "How bout we make a trade of sorts?"

Enjolras stood slowly, concentrating hard on keeping the pain off of his face as he walked toward the men. "I suggest you leave now before I make you regret coming here." He said, his voice taking on the same tone he used when giving speeches, the same fire appearing in his eyes. He wouldn't allow any more of his friends to be hurt today.

Joly did something super stupid out of anger, he lunged forward and stabbed one of the men with the medical scears, then he picked Enjolras up with his med kit and ran "Ah crap." 

"Joly what were you thinking!? You could've been hurt!" Enjolras shouted, the adrenaline from the confrontation keeping his mind off of the pain from his wound. For now at least.

Joly was crying and trying to run faster than he was "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he yelled back as he slammed other shoulder into a door as way of opening it, it swung open and he ran in and locked the door, setting Enjolras down and inspecting his wounds "I'm sorry, I just - that man - Jehan's dead and he did that - he also got you and Boussuet - I'm sorry I wasn't thinking - I wasn't thinking-"

Enjolras squinted softly against the pain "It's okay. It's okay, Joly. I just don't want you getting hurt is all." Enj said, smiling faintly. He felt bad now for shouting at Joly when he was already so close to a panic attack. "What happened to Jehan and Bousseut?" He asked, worried for them both. Especially Jehan. Was he really dead..?

Joly burst out crying "I was holding him and he he he d-died he just di-ed -" Joly choked on his tears and leaned against the wall beside Enjolras "Boussuet got - he - I don't know how he -" he looked sideways at Enjolras " 'Taire got out okay, I saw to it."

Enjolras carefully wrapped his arms around Joly, pulling him into a gentle hug. "I'm sorry, Joly.." He whispered, rubbing Joly's back. "Thank you for getting 'Taire out." Enjolras and Grantaire had been a couple for three weeks now. 

A frantic Joly nodded softly "I couldn't let him - Jehan he -" Joly stood up and started breaking things, he was screaming angrily "Why!? Why him!? Why!? Why - not Jehan -" he fell to his knees with his head in his hands, he peaked through his fingers "I'm sorry Enjolras-"  
Enjolras shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I organized that protest, I'm the reason you were all there. I'm so sorry." He said, sitting beside Joly, wrapping his arms around him again.

Joly shook his head frantically "No, no - we all decided to be there with you, we made our choice - you didn't know -" Joly's phone rang, he flipped it to his ear "Chetta!? Chetta calm down!? Boussuet is wha-t, he's wha- wha-" he hung up. Enjolras looked up. "What is it? What's wrong with Bousseut?" He asked, nervous to hear the answer.

Joly couldn't speak, he just buried his head in his hands and started shaking, large tears choking him, wracking sobs making him cry harder, Enjolras held his friend close, rubbing his back gently in an attempt to calm him. "What's going on, Joly? What happened?" Joly shook his head "Boussuet is - like Jeh-Jeh- he's like Jehan." He beat the wall until his fist was bruised and bleeding "He's gone - he's gone - they're gone - he's gone -"

"Hey.." Enjolras whispered, carefully moving Joly away from the wall. "Calm down, Joly.." Enj pulled him into a tight hug, ignoring the pain it caused him. Joly was more important to him right now.  
Joly looked at him and started sniffling "He's gone - he's actually gone - Chetta, she - Boussuet is gone and he isn't coming back, not Jehan either - I'm so glad 'Taire is okay," he hugged Enjolras back and checked his wound and then his hand "I cut myself when I stabbed that guy with those scissors, he won't be bad off, just have a scar - you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Enj shook his head. "I'll be okay, Joly. Thanks to you." He said, smiling a bit. He would allow himself to be upset over Jehan and Bousseut's deaths later- for now he needed to be there for Joly. "I just need some rest. Is your hand okay?"

Joly looked down at it "It'll mend." Joly nodded and looked down at it blankly "Get some rest, it'll be okay." He started watching blood from his hand drip to the ground and mix with the dirt, usually he'd have freaked out about all the diseases he could catch but today wasn't a usual day. 

Enj shook his head. "At least let me bandage it for you before I go lay down. It's the least I can do after everything you've done for me today. And for 'Taire." Joly shook his head "I'll bandage it in a second - " he turned quickly away, he didn't want the chief seeing him cry "Just go lay down - oh, and Enj - you don't have to thank me - I'd do anything for you and 'Taire - I'd die for you guys -"

He nodded slowly. "Okay. Just let me know if you hear from any of the others." He said, turning to leave so that he could go lay down. "And of course you need to be thanked. You saved 'Taire and I. I'd do anything for you all as well. You know that, right? We're a family." Joly nodded and laid down on the ground "I know." He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, when Enj left he'd be okay to cry. Enj smiled faintly and left to go lay down on the floor of the room next to the one Joly was in.

Joly covered his mouth so not to alert Enjolras to the fact that he'd burst out crying. He sat up and walked into the hallway, so, Enjolras wouldn't hear him cry. He sunk down the wall and let everything go. He hoped Enjolras could sleep, because, he couldn't.

Enjolras couldn't sleep either. He couldn't believe that Jehan and Bousseut were gone.. He was also quite worried about Joly. He left the room and paused for a moment as he heard Joly crying. Enj immediately headed into the hallway and over to his friend, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Joly.." He whispered, fighting tears as well.  
Joly pushed him away "You you should be sleeping - you should be sleeping -"

He shook his head. "I can't sleep. Not when I know you're out here crying. You helped me earlier. Let me help you now." Joly burst out crying again and nodded "Okay - oh god - oh god - there actually dead - they're dead! They - I just realized this is not only your blood on me - it's Jehan's and and - it's all gone - they're all gone -"  
Enjolras pulled him into another hug, rubbing his back gently. "I'm so sorry, Joly.. I miss them too. I can't believe they're really gone..." He whispered, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks.

Joly started typing in Boussuet's phone number "Come on, pick up? Pick up? Come on Boussuet!? You can't be dead!? You can't - it's just a dream- it's just a horrible dream - please? Please? please -" he hit the wall with his fist, screaming, He chucked his phone across the room and latched onto Enjolras crying.

Enjolras looked terribly sad "Joly.. Joly, he's gone. I'm so, so sorry.." He whispered, holding tightly onto his friend. "Would calling the others make you feel better? Maybe we should get them all here, just so that we know everyone is safe." Joly called Grantaire first, he had to know he was safe. He looked at Enjolras "R first." He smiled softly at him "You should know he's - Chetta's calling! -" Enjolras nodded, biting his lip. He was worried about Grantaire. He hoped that he was alright. Enj didn't know what he'd do if something happened to R... 

Joly put the phone to his ear "Chetta? Are you wha- what are the police doing? They arrested Bahorel and - okay Chetta - and R! What about R!? Have you seen him!? Chetta!? Have you - oh thank the gods -" he turned to Enjolras "R is fine, Bahorel was arrested, Feuilly is safe, Eponine is is - oh! God! Not! Not her too! She didn't!? Marius Pontmercy!? Oh god 'Ponine!" Joly burst into tears and flipped the phone down and blankly stared at Enjolras. 

Enjolras sighed in relief as he heard that Grantaire was safe. He was glad that Feuilly was as well, though he was a bit worried by the fact that Bahorel was arrested. But Eponine... Not her too..

Joly stood up and knocked over the coat rack "No! No! No! No! No -" He was not even acting like Joly now. His hand had started bleeding again.

"Joly..your hand." Enjolras said, reaching out to take Joly's injured hand gently, Joly looked down at it with surprise "Oh, I forgot to bind it up -" usually, when Joly forgot to bind up a wound first thing, it meant something was clearly very off with his mental faculties at that moment "Oh," the fact he kept saying oh was worry enough. 

"Joly, why don't you let me bandage that for you? It's the least I can do after what you've done for me." He offered, smiling encouragingly, Joly nodded, not saying anything, he looked blank and lost. 

He led Joly over to a chair and pulled Joly's med kit over from where it laid on the floor. Enj had watched Joly patch their friends up enough times to know what he was doing as he carefully cleaned and bandaged Joly's hand.  
Joly let him bandage his hand without complaint, though it did hurt, he was too blank to feel it much "Do you think they just left Jehan in the street? Do you think they took him?" He stared at the table. "I'll go out and look for him. If he is in the street.. He doesn't deserve that." He said, looking away from Joly as he fought back tears. "I'll bring him here.." Joly laid his head on the floor "It's so strange feeling - I'm cold, but, the sun is warm outside- I just can't feel Boussuet anymore - I've actually lost him, I'm just numb, and Jehan, we'd been standing next to each other and - we were discussing a favourite Poet of his, Andre Chenier, and he just - seems so stupid now- I'll come with you -"  
Enjolras nodded. "Alright, Joly." He said, standing and exiting the building. He felt bad for Joly. No one should have to see the person they loved die. He wished that there was more he could do to help his friend.

Joly followed him, forgetting his med kit, which was uncustomary for ever careful Joly, if he had his wits about him he wouldn't have forgotten the one thing he never went without "If they left Jehan there - if we meet that son of a b- if we meet him I'm killing him without question - don't try and stop me -" Joly muttered through clenched teeth "Jehan was my brother, so, - that guy better watch the f- out - he picked the wrong person to hurt."

Enjolras shook his head. "I won't try to stop you, Joly. If they just left him in the street- I'll help you. No one deserves that. Especially not Jehan." He said, clearly furious. No one was allowed to hurt his friends. They were his family. If he saw the man that hurt Jehan, he wouldn't be leaving alive. Enj and Joly would make him pay for what he'd done.

A defeated Joly sagged against Enjolras as they walked, his lip was bleeding and he looked as if he were wilting, like one of Jehan's prized flowers he had been cultivating, Joly wiped his nose and the tears away and stared down blankly at his now scarlet sweater front "I don't want to go back if I can't live without Boussuet or Jehan, I don't think I can live without them, Jehan was like my little brother and Boussuet was my - Boussuet and Chetta are my -everything - if Jehan and Boussuet are gone, I don't want to go on, you have R, but, I can't be so strong - I'm not as strong as you -"

Enjolras pulled him into a tight hug, wanting to comfort his friend. "We'll help you, Joly. All of us. You won't be alone, okay? You've got us- we're family. We'll get through this together." He said, trying his best not to cry. Enj didn't cry much- especially not in front of anyone other than R- but he'd lost three friends today... 

Joly hugged him back for a moment and then pulled away and kept walking a little aimlessly towards the town square, he was unusually quiet and blank,  
Enj followed after him, wishing there was more he could do to help. He'd never seen Joly this quiet.

Joly started running. He just had to get away! He couldn't stand it! He just had to see if Jehan was- there - and if he was - Joly was going to take care of him - he kept running, even though, it hurt, he couldn't stay here - he just had to do something - he had to know, Enjolras ran after Joly, keeping up as well as he could. He knew that Joly likely just wanted to get to Jehan as soon as possible- he did too. He wanted to know if he was in the street... And if he was, there'd be hell to pay. 

Joly got to the square in record time and skid down next to the body, not caring about the raw pain that cut into his knees as he scraped against the concrete and pebbles "Jehan -" he cradled Jehan Prouvaire's body in his arms and started to scream into the sky, large tears rolling down his face, Enjolras knelt down beside Joly, taking Jehan's hand in his own. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, trying his hardest not to cry. After a couple of moments though, his head snapped up. He moved his free hand up to check Jehan's pulse, gasping as he found it, there but very faint. "Joly.." He whispered, speechless for once in his life.

Joly's head snapped up "What!? What!?" Joly looked down at Jehan and stroked his curls gently "What is it Enj- oh my god! Jehan!?" Joly looked up at Enjolras in surprise and his brown eyes became very wide.


	2. The Lifeline

"We need to get him out of here. We need your med kit." He said, squeezing Jehan's hand tightly. He wanted him to know that they were there- that they're were going to take care of him.

Joly turned around to grab his med kit "Oh god no, keep Jehan here! I have to go get my kit!" He stood up "I'm so stupid! I left it there!"  
He ran as fast as he could down the street.

Enj nodded and held Jehan close, trying to keep him comfortable while Joly went go get his kit. He stroked his curls gently like Joly had been doing, not wanting him to feel alone.

Joly ran as quickly as possible, breathing becoming ragged and - he slipped around the corner, past a inspector walking past, towards the square, into the house, and grabbed his kit, running as fast as he could, back towards the square

"It's alright, Jehan. Joly and are are going to take care of you. You're going to be alright." He whispered, trying to comfort his wounded friend. He just hoped Joly returned soon

Joly fell to the ground on his knees, clutching a stitch in his chest and dug in his med kit "How's he!?" Joly took Jehan's hand "Hey Jehan, talk to me if you can okay?" Joly found what he was looking for "I don't have much time, a inspector is coming soon -" "He's still holding on. His pulse hasn't gotten any weaker." He answered, still holding his friend close. "We need to hurry then, if an inspector is coming. I guess- do what you can and if we have to, we'll move him. Not far though. He's too weak.." Joly lifted Jehan's shirt and cried out, trying to withhold his cries "Uhhh, I - Jehan -" Joly got started fixing up the wound with shaking hands, usually, his hands were steady, but, today was different, today it was Jehan. 

"I'm not gonna leave you - I'm not letting you die - if you die - if you die - I do too - your like my brother - I can't - I won't live in a world devoid of you."

Jehan whimpered softly, opening his eyes for a few seconds before he lost consciousness again.

Enj held him a bit tighter, stroking his hair softly. "We're here, Jehan. Joly and I are right here with you, okay? We've got you."

Joly finished up quickly and picked Jehan up in his arms "If we stay here we go to jail or get killed - I can't let that happen to him- I don't care about myself right now - but, he can't die -"  
Enjolras nodded, standing quickly. "Get Jehan out of here. I'll be right behind you." He said, planning to wait a bit so that he could protect them if the inspector arrived.

Joly took his hand "No! We go together! Or not at all!" Joly was close to panic "Okay. Okay, I'll come with you." He said, holding onto his hand. 

Jehan opened his eyes slightly. "J-Joly..?" He asked, struggling to focus. Joly broke- large tears falling from large worried brown eyes "J-Jehan!" Joly looked from Enjolras and back to Jehan "H-how do you feel?" He tried to keep his voice steady, but, failed. 

"I-It h-hurts.." He whispered, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. "'M cold, J-Joly.." 

Enjolras quickly removed his coat and draped it over Jehan, not wanting his friend to remain cold. "It's alright, Jehan. We're going to take care of you."

Joly nodded "Yes - we'll t-ake care of you - promise- and then we can go to the bookstore and I'll get you that Chenier biography you wanted earlier- and everything will be okay - Boussuet might even want to come along -" his voice quavered slightly, Jehan smiled weakly. "That sounds great.." He whispered, closing his eyes again. 

Enjolras turned to Joly, deeply concerned for their friend. "We need to get him out of here before that inspector gets here. My place isn't too far from here. Do you think he can handle it?" Joly nodded softly, not speaking again. There was a little part of him, deep down inside, that blamed Enjolras for what had happened, he gritted his teeth and nodded again. 

Joly wasn't alone in blaming Enjolras for what happened. Enjolras took full blame for Jehan's injuries and the deaths of Bousseut and Eponine. He wanted to run away from all of this. To go and find a nice, dark room to curl up in where he could let his emotions out. But he couldn't. Not while Jehan still needed help. He wanted to make this right. "Okay.. It's this way." He muttered, beginning to head toward his flat.

Joly lifted Jehan higher into his arms and hugged him to his chest gently "Okay," he was becoming quiter every minute but managed to get a okay out. He followed Enjolras quickly.  
Enj nodded slightly and led the way to his home, unlocking the door and kicking aside a couple of wine bottles. Grantaire had been spending a lot of time at his place lately and always left his empty bottles lying around. Enj usually didn't mind, as they were a reminder of R. He led Joly into the bedroom and pulled back the blankets on his bed, wanting Jehan to be warm and comfortable, especially since he'd said that he was cold.

Joly laid him gently down with lots of care and burrito tucked Jehan in.  
He managed a broken "Thank you -" to Enjolras as he stroked back Jehan's hair from his face "It's going to be okay now Jehan - D-Daisy." Joly had affectionately nicknamed Jehan Daisy and used it only sometimes, Joly rifled in his med kit and found a clean white cloth which he dabbed Jehan's forehead with softly. 

Enjolras nodded and exited the room, wanting to give both of them some privacy. Plus, he was sure neither of them wanted to see him right now. Not after what he'd done..

Jehan opened his eyes again a couple of minutes later, smiling weakly as he saw Joly. "J-Joly.." He whispered, squeezing his hand gently, 

Joly broke down into tears again "Oh! Jehan! I - they - I'm gonna take care of you and Enj - I'm gonna take care of you - I -" he started sobbing, above all else, he wasn't going to tell Jehan about Eponine or Boussuet.

"Come here.." He whispered, patting the bed beside him. Joly clearly needed someone to comfort him. It was breaking Jehan's heart to see him so upset.

Joly laid next to him and wrapped his arms around him "Don't leave me? Don't leave me? Not you too -" he hadn't been thinking as he said it.

Jehan wrapped his arms around Joly in return. "Shh, Jol.. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered, rubbing his back gently. "What do you mean 'not you too'? Who died..?" Joly shook his head frantically "Know one died... know one - B-Bahorel got locked up but, that's that's it..." Joly stuttered and gave a soft smile "You need your rest, close your eyes - ur, Doctors orders." 

Jehan nodded slowly, closing his eyes. He leaned his head against Joly's chest, smiling softly, glad that he was there.

Joly tried to stop his crying, his chest was shaking, he didn't want Jehan to worry, he had to get better, he had to, Jehan rubbed his back softly, trying to soothe Joly. "It's okay, Joly. I'll be alright." He whispered, assuming that he was the reason he was crying, Joly nodded slowly. His phone rang and he shot up to answer,then laid back and "Chetta? Chetta - I'm okay- Enjolras's yeh, Jehan is alive - yes - yes- no - they what! No! They can't possibly! Okay-" Joly hung up and buried his head in the pillows weeping. 

Jehan tried to sit up. "What? What is it? What's wrong?" He asked, clearly very worried. "What's going on, Joly?" Joly shook his head "Nothing." He came out of the pillows looking ruffled and worn "Nothing to concern yourself with, you you need r- you need rest!" His voice rose at the end "Just something concerning Chetta and I -" usually he would say Boussuet, Chetta, and I.

Jehan nodded and settled back down onto the bed, closing his eyes. "Okay, Joly. Whatever will make you feel better." He said, smiling faintly. He usually would've caught the difference in Joly's statement, but he was simply too tired.

Joly laid next to him "Get some rest okay?" He curled up into the fetal position on top of the covers and fained sleep. 

Jehan nodded and wrapped his arms around him, falling asleep shortly after Joly. 

Enj came in to check on them a few moments later, smiling a bit. He then turned toward the door and exited his home, locking the door behind him. He didn't want any unexpected guests disturbing Jehan and Joly.

Joly started kicking out in his sleep and screaming "Boussuet!? Please!? Don't - Boussuet! No! Please!?" Jehan jumped up, wincing in pain, though he ignored it. Joly was more important. "Joly? Joly, wake up." He begged, shaking him.

Joly kept kicking and screaming about Boussuet "You son of a b- get up!? You can't die!!? Boussuet! Mon Amour! Please! Please!" Jehan's eyes widened at the words, though he continued his attempt at waking Joly.

Joly shot straight up and fell off the bed screaming "Boussuet!" He sat there shivering and anxious with ragged breaths shaking his frame.

Jehan got out of the bed as quickly as he could without reopening his wounds. "Joly, are you alright?" He asked, pulling him into his arms.  
Joly looked up at him with wide eyes "I - yes, I'm fine- nightmares - you? Can I get you anything?"

He shook his head. "I'm fine. What were you dreaming about?" Joly shook his head "Ummm, nothing - nothing - just -" he started shaking and then screamed out a long string of curse words, which he usually never used.

"Joly..? What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" He asked, immediately knowing something wrong when Joly began to shake and curse. That wasn't like him. Something had to be very wrong. 

Joly gave up "Boussuet can't make it to the bookstore like I said he would because he's dead - he's dead - he's gone he's actually gone -" he buried his head in his hands and wept, Jehan began to cry as well, pulling Joly into his arms. He couldn't believe that Boussuet was really gone.. It had to be a nightmare. This couldn't be real... 

 

"Where's Enjolras?" Joly shot onto his feet,   
"I don't know." Jehan said, standing as well. "Enj!?" He called, becoming worried when there was no response. "Where is he, Joly?"  
"Stay here." Joly ran out of the room and bulleted outside "Enjolras!!!!?" 

Enj had found the men that had injured Jehan and had (rather foolishly), tried to take them all on. He felt as if it was his fault that Jehan had been hurt and that Bousseut and Eponine had been killed, so he'd wanted to try and make it right. He'd done alright, considering there were a lot of them and only one of him. Now, he laid in an alley, bloody and nearly unconscious. He had his phone out and was trying to call Grantaire. He should've been calling Joly, but he was confused and in pain, so it was his R he was trying to call.

Joly ran around the corner and stopped in front of him "Enj!" He picked him up and carried him back to his apartment.

"R..." He whispered, losing consciousness as soon as Joly had picked him up. 

Jehan covered his mouth as he saw the state Enjolras was in. "Oh god.." He whispered, rushing over to him and Joly to see if there was anything he could do to help. "We need to call Grantaire.."

Joly took Enjolras and carried him like a baby to his bed "Enj already did for us - here, take that?" Joly handed him Enjolras's phone "Enjolras- Enj - Enjolras? You stupid stupid man!" Joly cut off Enjolras's shirt with surgical shears and surveyed the damage "Jehan, I need you to leave the room for a moment -" He didn't want kind Jehan to have to see this, the damage done to their brave leader and friend, he bit his lip against the nausea "Jehan go?" 

Jehan nodded, taking Enjolras's phone. He sighed in relief as he saw Grantaire's name on the screen. He didn't want to leave Enjolras, but he also didn't want to see him in such a terrible state. Plus, he needed to speak with R. 

Enjolras didn't respond at all, remaining unconscious as his friend surveyed the extent of his wounds. He was losing quite a bit of blood and his breathing was much too slow. After all, he'd already been injured when he'd taken on the men.  
Joly was going to kill them. 

Joly worked quickly with the medical skills of a trained doctor even though he was only a medical student. He cringed as he began to wash Enjolras's wounds with alcohol, cried when he had to use a reverse pillow stitch to sew the wounds up, and finally fell back, crying beside Enjolras after he had finished his work, his arms, his clothes, and the bed were covered in blood. He called for Jehan softly.

Jehan entered and gasped as he saw the state both of them were in. He didn't know who do go to first- Enjolras or Joly. He began to cry as he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, taking Enjolras's pale hand in both of his own. "He's so cold, Joly.." Jehan whispered, needing to watch Enj breathe for a moment just to assure himself that their leader was still with them. His breathing was very slow and still extremely faint, but at least he was breathing.

"Blanket?" Joly whispered so softly it was almost inaudible "And a bandage if I can trouble you?" He lifted his hand and showed Jehan a large cut from thumb to pinky across his palm "I was shaking so much the surgical shears slipped and cut me, get Enj a blanket first please?" Joly rolled on his side and looked at Enjolras beside him "Were you able to reach 'Taire?"

Jehan nodded and bent down to kiss Enj's forehead softly, wanting to comfort him. He stood and wiped away a few tears, going to get Enjolras a blanket and Joly a bandage. "I was. He's on his way now. I didn't tell him how bad..He started panicking the second I told him Enj was hurt, so I didn't think it was wise." He said, tenderly wrapping the blanket around their friend. "Will your hand be okay..?" He asked, passing Joly the bandage.

Joly nodded and started fighting with the bandage "I'll be okay, aghhh!" He gave Jehan a weak smile "Enj is going to be okay, he's always been strong - he'll pull through - we can't lose anybody else today." He fought with the bandage again before giving up, "Let me.." Jehan offered, heading over to Joly to assist him with the bandage. "You're right. He's strong and he certainly won't leave Grantaire. I just hope R will be okay. He sounded terrified when in spoke to him on the phone.." He muttered, carefully bandaging Joly's hand Joly nodded softly "I hope he will too. I can't lose 'Taire or Enj or or - you - I can't lose anyone else I love - I can't lose any of you- if you die or 'Taire, I'll die too." He began to cry again. 

Jehan pulled him into a tight hug. "Hey... 'Taire and I aren't going anywhere any time soon. And I'm sure Enj will pull though. He's always been a fighter." 

Joly smiled as if he didn't believe Jehan "You were so bad off looking when we found you - you looked dead - you - I can't - you looked like Boussuet - and when you said my name - you you sounded so fragile and in pain - I just - I never want to see you like that again -" he stood up and went out into the main room and out the front door, Jehan raced after him. "Joly, wait! I need you here! What about Enjolras? He's not doing well, Joly. He needs us. He looks like I did, doesn't he? Please, Joly..don't go." He begged, not wanting to have to leave Enj for long.

Joly kept walking, the surgical shears hanging in his hand "He'll be fine until I get back - anyway Jehan, R is coming and I called Combeferre, he's a doctor, I have something to do - something to say to someone who owes me a life he took and another two he tried to take, stay safe, take care of yourself and Enj until the others get here." "Please be careful.." He begged, turning to head back inside. He could see that there was no point in arguing with Joly about this. He was too determined. Jehan returned to Enjolras's side and wrapped another couple of blankets around him when he noticed that his temperature had dropped lower. "Please don't leave us, Enj.." He begged, holding his friend's hand tightly. He just hoped Combeferre and R would arrive soon...

Joly ran down the street, trying to find the son of a - he found much more than he bargained for -

Jehan stayed at Enjolras's side, his head leaning against the edge of the bed. He still held his friend's hand tightly though, trying to keep himself calm. He was already crying loudly, afraid for both Enj and Joly. He didn't know what to do.

Minutes later Joly burst into the room covered in blood "Don't ask what happened - the less you know, the better." His eyes were ablaze with a fire he'd never had before, Jehan nodded slowly. "Are you alright?" He asked, alarmed at the amount of blood covering Joly's clothes.

Joly nodded softly, looking sick "I took something that I can't give back and I hate myself for it even though the bastard deserved it." He checked on Enjolras "He's going to be okay - R showed up yet?" He stripped off his shirt and rummaged in Enjolras's cabinet for a shirt. There was a large cut across his stomach. 

He shook his head. "I haven't seen him. Enj hasn't moved either.." He whispered, glancing from Joly to Enjolras. "I hope R and 'Ferre get here soon. I want 'Ferre to take a look at that cut." Jehan said, gesturing to Joly's stomach.

Joly looked down at it blankly "Oh, knife wound, should be okay, no major arteries or anything hit."   
He pulled on the new tee shirt and gasped in pain "I can't believe it happened - I just broke -" he sat on the bed and buried his head in his hands "But, he deserved it - everything he got."

Jehan rubbed Joly's back softly and jumped up as he heard a knock at the door. "Hopefully that's R and 'Ferre." He said, racing to answer the door.

Joly laid down on the floor beside the bed and passed out

Jehan entered the room again with Combeferre and Grantaire close behind him. "Joly!" He shouted, rushing over to his side.

Joly lay there limply, the blood from his stomach wound creating a pattern on his clean shirt, Jehan quickly placed both of his hands over the wound, trying to slow the bleeding. "Not you too.. Please not you too.." He begged, turning toward the others. 

Combeferre rushed over and knelt down beside them both. "What happened? Move your hands, Jehan. Let me see." He said, pushing Jehan's hands away. He pulled his med kit over and quickly set about repairing the wound. 

Joly smiled up at him with bleary brown eyes " 'Ferre?" 'Ferre smiled faintly, looking up from the wound to meet Joly's gaze. "Hey, Joly." 

Jehan glanced anxiously between Joly and Enjolras. He couldn't lose them too. 

Joly smiled blankly "Enj? Is Enj okay? I did my best -" "I'll check on him in a moment. R is with him for now. It's you I'm worried about right now." 'Ferre said, finishing the stitches. He began to carefully bandage Joly's wound, Joly looked up at him with a soft daft smile "You okay? Did you see Chetta?" Joly whispered softly.

Combeferre nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze once he'd finished patching up his wounds. "Chetta is fine. I'm fine." He assured, smiling faintly.

Joly nodded gently "And R and Jehan? Could you check Jehan for me? Please?" He gave a small smile and passed out again, 'Ferre nodded, checking Joly's pulse as soon as he passed out again. It seemed stable enough, so he turned to Jehan and checked him over. He was fine, despite still being a bit dizzy and pale from the blood he'd lost. Enj on the other hand had Combeferre very worried. He draped a blanket over Joly and hurried over to Enjolras. "Has he moved at all, R?" He asked, checking his friend over. He'd never seen Enj look so- fragile.

Joly took Jehan's hand "Tell me what 'Ferre is saying about Enj? - I did try my best - there was so much blood - I tried my best -" Jehan bit his lip and shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. "It doesn't look too good. He's still with us, but he's barely holding on. 'Ferre thinks he's trying to fight, but he's just so weak.."


	3. Enjolras and Grantaire

Joly started crying "Tell them I'm sorry? Tell them I tried? Tell them I'm sorry?" He tried to sit up and fell back down, breathing heavily "I tried to do what I knew - I did everything I could - but it's just not good enough- I'm sorry."

"Shh, Joly.. They know. We all know you did everything you could. You need to rest now, okay? We can't lose you too.." He whispered, holding his friend's hand tightly.

Joly began to hyperventilate. 

Joly shook his head "I can't sleep, I've gotta get away from all of you - I did something and I could get arrested for it and I won't bring you down with me for what I did! I can't have you guys get into trouble as well."

Jehan shook his head in return. "You can't leave. We need you." He said, worry clear in his eyes.  
Joly took his hand and squeezed it tightly "Jehan, I killed someone and he deserved it, but, it won't matter to the gendarmes- they won't be lenient with all of you if they catch me, that guy that hurt you - the guy that hurt Enj and killed Boussuet - that's the guy I killed- I'm not going to pull all of you down with me-" Jehan bit his lip and looked down, squeezing Joly's hand tightly. "Okay.." He whispered, knowing that he was right. "Be careful though, yeah? I'm sure you'll find a way out of this."

Joly nodded "Help me up?" Jehan nodded and carefully helped Joly to his feet.

Joly looked to Combeferre "Keep everyone safe? I'm sorry I couldn't do more for Enj - I'm sorry, urm - I kinda killed someone and I have to leave now okay? Stay safe." Joly tried not to gasp or cry out, his stomach hurt so much it was hard not to.

Combeferre hugged him gently, not really knowing what to say. "I'll take care of everyone, Joly. You stay safe, okay? I'll do what I can for Enj."

Joly nodded softly "I will." Joly's smile broke for a moment and then he walked out the door after hugging Grantaire gently

Jehan and Combeferre watched him go, clearly not happy with the idea of their friend leaving and possibly being arrested. 

Joly limped down the street, holding a hand over his stomach in pain, he couldn't go back to anywhere they'd think he was, he thought and thought and went to the Corinth. He called Jehan

Jehan wanted to go after him, but didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to Joly. He didn't want to accidentally make things worse for him. He sighed in relief when Joly called him, glad that he was safe. "Hey, Joly. Are you alright?" Joly frowned "No, I'm going to the Corinth because I don't know where else I can go, any ideas of where - oh crap- I just passed some of the guys friends - the guy I - I've got to go - I think I'm going to see Boussuet really soon - bye Jehan." A weird calm crept into his voice. 

"No, no no no, Joly! Don't hang up the phone. Combeferre and I will be there soon. Do NOT hang up the phone."  
Joly dropped his phone when one of the men punched him in the stomach, all Jehan could probably hear would be a cry as Joly tried to escape. 

Jehan and Combeferre shared a look and ran off to the Corinth as fast as they possibly could, determined to get there before Joly was injured too badly.

Joly pulled himself into a small alcove beside the Corinth and hoped the men had not followed him, they'd walked off after having beaten him into the ground, thinking him close to death, he'd only just gotten away. He was bruised and bleeding, crying silently and lying on his side, alone.

Jehan rushed to Joly's side while Combeferre went to deal with the men that had hurt so many of his friends. He wasn't planning on wounding them badly- just bad enough that they would leave them alone for good. Or for a while, at least. 

Jehan knelt at Joly's side, carefully pulling his friend into his arms. "It's okay, Joly. 'Ferre and I are here to help you." He whispered, holding Joly close to his chest.

Joly looked up at him as if he didn't know who he was, he breathed something out softly, the words mussing together into inaudible sounds.  
There was blood pooling in the center of his stomach and scratches cut across his face and arms like road maps "Jehan?" He managed to whisper "Shh, Joly. I'm here." He whispered, holding him close. He had removed his coat and was pressing it against Joly's stomach in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Stay with me, okay? 'Ferre and I are going to take you back to Enjolras's and get you taken care of."

Only one word registered in Joly's mind "Enj? Is he? -" he cried out in pain "Shh, Joly. Shh.." He whispered, fighting tears. "Hush. Enj is still with us." 

Joly looked up and smiled past Jehan, mouthing the name Boussuet in disbelief "You're really here-" The pain was making him hallucinate.   
Jehan shook his head. "No, Joly. He's not here..I'm sorry." He whispered, frantically looking up at Combeferre as he walked in. 

'Ferre carefully picked Joly up, already beginning to carry him back to Enj's apartment.

Joly started crying and reaching out for someone who was not there "Why isn't he here!? Why's he not - here!?" He looked up at Combeferre and sniffled a bit " 'Ferre? Why's Boussuet not here!? Is Enj okay?" He kept wailing.

"It's okay, Joly. Everything is perfectly fine." 'Ferre smiled warmly, trying his very best to reassure him. "Enj is okay." Joly pointed down the street frantically "Police inspector!"

Combeferre ran as fast as he could, racing back to Enjolras's apartment with Jehan close behind him.  
Joly began to cry as he looked up into Combeferre's face " 'Ferre," he passed out. 

Combeferre raced into the apartment, locking the door behind them. He carried Joly over to the bed and laid him beside Enj, beginning to tend to his wounds.

Jehan paced at the foot of the bed, tears streaming down his face. He hated seeing all of his friends in such pain. He didn't know what he'd do if he lost Enj or Joly...


	4. Lost

Joly frowned " 'Ferre? 'Ferre, take care of Jehan? Take care of Jehan?" He started spluttering and turned away from Combeferre's administration  
'Ferre shook his head. "Jehan is fine. He's just worried about you and Enj, okay? If you'll let me help you, it'll make him feel a lot better."

Joly turned back towards Combeferre, nodded gently, and stayed as still as he could "Can Jehan hold my hand?" Combeferre nodded. "Of course he can." He said, smiling softly. 

Jehan hurried over and took Joly's hand. "I'm here, Joly. It's okay."  
Joly smiled at him and nodded softly "That's all I need to know - huh -" he gave a rattling breath and closed his eyes, his hand clutching painfully on Jehan's.

Jehan stood at his side, holding his hand and softly stroking his hair. He stayed even after Combeferre was done tending to his wounds, needing to know that Joly was okay.  
Joly's eyes snapped open and he cried out, clutching at Jehan's hand in terror

Jehan squeezed his hand gently, stroking his cheek in a comforting manner. "What's wrong, Joly? Are you in pain?" Joly nodded softly, gritting his teeth in pain "I can't really feel anything below my stomach." He frowned at Jehan and his large brown eyes watered with tears "Please don't tell 'Ferre?" Jehan bit his lip. "Oh, Joly.. I'm sure the feeling will return soon. You were hurt pretty badly, after all. Maybe it'll just- take some time?"

Joly clutched Combeferre's hand suddenly " 'Ferre? Make sure Jehan's wound is okay and Enj and get 'Taire something to eat and don't give him any alcohol and - and - 'Ferre, I'm scared - I don't let Enj see it - not anyone but you and Jehan - I don't let Enj see my pain or fear - don't let him know? Don't tell him? Take care of the others?" His eyes were wide in fear, 'Ferre gripped his hand tightly in return. "I will. I'll take care of them both, alright? I promise. I'll get 'Taire something to eat when he wakes up. I don't want to wake him yet. Not with Enj-" He cut himself off, focusing on Joly once again. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you all."

Joly frowned and turned quickly over to Enjolras "Enj? What's happened to Enj!?" He checked his wounds quickly and cried out as he saw the damage again.  
Combeferre carefully pushed him back against the bed. "He'll be fine. I won't let anything happen to him, Joly. I promise."

Joly looked up at him with tears in his eyes " 'Ferre? I can't - I can't feel my legs" he looked at Jehan and back at Combeferre "You promise me you'll care for them? Especially Jehan and Enj? After all this - take Jehan to that bookstore he likes? Get him that book on that one shelf? He'll show you which one, buy a medical thriller to remember me by?" He sighed softly and laid back

Combeferre shook his head. "You're going to be fine, Joly. So are Enj and Jehan. Everything is going to be fine." He said earnestly.

Joly nodded softly and closed his eyes "Okay." 

'Ferre smiled softly. "Get some rest, Joly. I'll watch over the others." Joly nodded unhappily and closed his eyes

'Ferre gripped his hand tightly and glanced over at Enj, worried by the fact that he still hadn't moved. He reluctantly moved away from Joly to check on him, trying his best not to disturb Grantaire, who slept in a chair at Enjolras's side.

Joly pretended to roll over in his sleep and peaked through half closed eyes at Enjolras, he became instantly frightened he'd done something wrong and started silently crying, large alligator tears running down his cut up face, he took Enjolras's wrist and checked his pulse, counting the weak beats in his head, he shivered and shook in fright, none of them could lose Enjolras, Grantaire especially, if Enj died - he kept staring blankly through half closed eyes

Jehan held Joly's hand tightly, noticing his tears immediately. "It's okay, Joly. He's a fighter- he'll be fine." He whispered, hoping that his words were true. 

'Ferre took Enj's hand and softly stroked his hair for a moment, trying to comfort their friend and leader. They couldn't lose him. He glanced over at 'Taire, debating on whether or not to wake him.

Joly shot up and staggered out of the room, feeling like it was his fault that Enj was like this. He went to the bathroom and laid down in the cold tub, turning on the water so the sound would drown his tears. It was his fault - he wasn't a good medic - it was his fault Enj wasn't better - he'd probably done something wrong - he started crying, letting everything go in a burst of tears.

Jehan ran after him, knocking lightly on the door. "Joly? What's wrong?" 

'Ferre stayed with Enj, knowing that it wasn't wise to leave him alone right now. He knew this wasn't Joly's fault. He'd done excellent in repairing their leader's wounds- it was the extent of said wounds that was keeping him from waking. He just needed time.

"G-go away!" Joly yelled sobbing "Go away -" he was pulling out the nice stitches Combeferre had done and was crying as he lay in the bathtub, he couldn't deal with it right now - it was his fault - they didn't have to tell him - he just knew. 

It was his fault. 

Jehan stayed beside the door. "Come on, Joly.. It's not your fault, okay? You did everything that you could. 'Ferre said so himself." 

Enj slowly opened his eyes, trying to call out to 'Ferre. Everything hurt and he was very cold, but he was more concerned with Jehan, Joly, and Grantaire than he was with himself. 

'Ferre smiled warmly, squeezing Enj's hand gently. "Shh, Enjolras. Everything is fine." He whispered, turning his head a bit to shout over to Jehan and Joly. "He's awake!"

Joly put his head under the water and started crying with hitched sobs, he didn't want Jehan to see him like this, sopping wet, dark hair plastered to his pale face, undoing the stitches Combeferre had so carefully done, he couldn't have him see him like this. Jehan banged on the door roughly. "Joly, please. Enj is awake. He needs you." 

'Ferre continued to try and calm Enjolras, but he seemed to be much too worried about the others. Jehan and Joly. Especially Joly since he couldn't see him.

Joly kept pulling at the stitching, feeling useless, a nothing, worthless, he couldn't even help Enjolras and he was a med student, he wanted to die - Boussuet was - why couldn't he? He didn't hear Jehan's voice behind the door as the water rumbled over his ears, he turned down the tap temperature and shivered as it turned cold as ice, maybe he'd die of a cold or something, He hoped Jehan wouldn't come in.

Jehan forced the door open and gasped as he saw the state that Joly was in. He picked him up and rushed him back into the bedroom where he laid him beside Enjolras. 

'Ferre ran over and began examining his wounds. "Joly.. What did you do?" He asked, trying to clean up some of the blood. 

Enj looked over, his eyes full of worry and fear for his friend. "Joly.." He whispered, squeezing his hand gently.

Joly frowned softly at him "Enj? You-r Aw-a-" he swallowed and closed his eyes, shaking as he dripped ice cold water onto the sheets, his hair was plastered to his white face and he didn't look good. His pallor was whiter than snow, very pale against the blood, and he looked as if he'd contracted a nasty cold or influenza, which he usually dreaded.  
Enj moved himself a bit closer to Joly, trying to warm him up, though he wasn't much warmer himself. He was still deathly pale and his pulse was still horribly weak, his breathing much too faint. And yet- he wanted to help Joly. 

'Ferre redid the stitches quickly, needing to stop the bleeding. At least Enj and Jehan were there to keep Joly calm.

Joly shivered "Don't te-ll R what I did?" 

Joly stayed absolutely still, not wanting to hurt Enjolras if he moved too much. After the stitches were finished though, he angrily kicked out at Combeferre with a misaimed halfhearted kick, sending water droplets flying "You should take care of Enj more than I!? Why do I matter so much in the scheme of things!? Why do you still care about me!? I'm nothing! I'm worthless! Like Enj says - our little lives don't count at all! Why do you still care!? I'm worthless- I'm - I'm waking Grantaire -" he bit down on his lip quickly to stop from yelling again. 

'Ferre sighed softly. "You're our friend, Joly. You mean everything to us. Of course we're going to take care of you. We'll take care of Enj too." He said, wrapping several blankets around both of them. 

Enj nodded in agreement and turned toward Grantaire, smiling weakly. He was glad to have him by his side.

Joly kicked the blanket off and stood up unsteady on his aching legs "I'm gonna go scrub Enj's kitchen - I need something to do -" he walked out into the main room and walked towards the front door instead of into the kitchen.  
Jehan followed after him, grabbing his arm when he finally caught up. "Joly, please don't go.." 

Enj reached up and stroked R's cheek softly. Jehan would take good care of Joly. He needed his Grantaire.

Joly pulled away and toppled over, flapping his arms like a absurd little bird. "Go away Jehan- just -" he broke down into tears and slammed the door as he went out into the darkness of just before dawn. He had to get away - he just needed to get some air - breath Joly - just breath - he didn't want to know Boussuet and 'Ponine were dead, or that Enj - dear lord - Enj, Joly kept walking- meandering down the street. 

Jehan sighed and, figuring that Joly needed some space, returned to Enjolras's side. He smiled gently and softly stroked his friend's hair. "I'm so glad you're awake, E. You had us really scared."

Joly turned around, walked back towards Enj's apartment and decided to detour to a Cafe close by. After a moment, he went back to Enjolras's apartment and after walking through the main room, he entered Enjolras's bedroom and handed Combeferre a box filled with Croissants and handed Jehan a coaster box of coffees and cocoa "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting- I've been selfish - y-you - none of you deserve it -" he said as he looked at his shoes "You guys need to eat something -" he started for the door "I'm gonna go clean Enj's kitchen."

Jehan and Combeferre both pulled him into a tight hug, trying to soothe him. Enj would have joined in as well, if he'd been able to get up. 

"It's okay, Joly. You've been through a lot. We all have." 'Ferre said, smiling softly.

Joly pulled away and nodded softly, feeling as if he'd break, he couldn't cry right now - not in front of Enj - who'd been through worse than he had "I'm fine - Enj is worse than I - we've all been through a lot - I promise I'll be fine-" he dug his nails into his wrist to stop from crying "I gotta go see Chetta - I - how's 'Taire? Bahorel's okay - he's out of prison - talked too much till the officers got tired of him and let him go - he called me - talked a lot about Bou- about - about Boussuet - asked about you Enj - how you were doing and all -" Joly bit his lip until it bled a bit, he wasn't really noticing, he rubbed a hand through his still pasted to his face bangs.

"'Taire is alright. Especially now that Enj is awake. I'm glad that Bahorel is alright. Did you tell him about Enj..?" 'Ferre asked, worried about how Bahorel would take the news of their leader's condition. Though he was certain that none of their friends would take that well. Enj was important to them all. They couldn't lose him.

Joly shrugged, trying to hide a bout of shivering that had caught him unawares "I told him - that Enjol- Enj was gonna be fine - n-no need to worry him - I I'm gonna scrub the kitchen - who knows what germs could be lurking on the counters - th-those croissants are for all of you by the way - h-have them all, I'm not hungry." He stepped towards the door, 'Ferre nodded and handed Joly his jacket. "Alright. But I want you to wear this. You're shivering and I don't want you to get sick. I want you to eat something as soon as you're done cleaning."

"Does it really matter if I get sick?"  
Joly shook his head softly "Not hungry - won't ever be again - I'm not hungry -" he gave Combeferre back his jacket "I don't need this either- I'm not c-cold," his teeth chattered and he left the room quickly, he decided to barricade himself in the guest bedroom and cry.

He then fell asleep on the floor, opting not to make the bed disheveled or water logged.

He hoped he could have a hour or two before he had to do something again, he was so worn out from the days events, that he fell asleep before he could hear the sound of breaking glass.  
Someone was breaking in. 

Combeferre was the first to notice and told the others to stay put while he investigated the noise, since all of the others, apart from Grantaire, were injured. And of course, he couldn't risk anything happening to R right now unless he wanted to risk Enj's health as well- which of course he didn't. 

Jehan raced to the guest room a several minutes later, following the sound of an argument, a gunshot, and lots of yelling on behalf of himself and the others. "Joly! Joly, we need your help!" He shoulder, banging on the door as loudly as he could.

Joly crawled to the door and pulled it open, he was hog tied and gagged, a head wound bleeding purfusly as he struggled, Jehan quickly untied him, removing the gag as well. "Joly, 'Ferre's hurt. We need your help. Are you alright enough to help him..?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder at Enjolras who was holding Combeferre in his arms, trying his best to keep him calm and awake.

Joly struggled up and ran to Combeferre frantically " 'Ferre!?" He grabbed for his med kit and cursed "My med kits in the other room." He went to get it and a shot rang out in the silence

Jehan rushed after Joly. "Joly!" He shouted, hoping that his friend was okay. 

Enj held 'Ferre close, stroking his hair softly. "Shh, shh, 'Ferre.. It's okay. I'm here..I'm right here, Combeferre. I've got you." He whispered, trying his best to keep his scared friend as calm as possible. 

Joly lay against the desk with a rifle across his outstretched legs and a gunshot wound in his shoulder, the intruder lay sprawled in front of him, dead. Joly looked up at Jehan weakly "I killed him - I - 'Ferre!?" He tried to get up and crumbled back to the floor, Jehan raced over to him. "Joly! Are you okay..?" He asked, his eyes widening as he saw the wound.

"Is 'Ferre - is he okay? Jehan help me up? Help me to 'Ferre?" Joly tried to stand again "Please?" He fell back down and cried out

Jehan knelt down beside him, carefully picking him up. "I'll take you to 'Ferre.." He whispered, knowing that Joly would only continue to try and get to Combeferre if he didn't take him. He walked back over to Enj and Combeferre and carefully placed Joly down at 'Ferre's side. 

Enj looked at Joly, clearly very worried. 'Ferre was barely holding onto consciousness and was struggling to breathe. It had Enj absolutely terrified. He couldn't lose 'Ferre too...

Joly pointed at his med kit "Needle and thread? Sutures?" Joly examined Combeferre's wound weakly, trying not to show the others his weakness, he rummaged in the bag and got out what he needed, he threaded the needle with one hand, using his mouth to pull the suture through, then he got started on Combeferre's wound, which was bad. He almost fainted, the pain was almost unbearable but adrenaline forced him on. 

"Y-You're hurt.." Combeferre muttered, weakly reaching toward his friend with a trembling hand. Even as injured as he was, he was still worrying about his friend.  
Joly shook his head frantically shaking "Oh that? This old thing? No, it's nothing, you're worse." He kept stitching and gasped "Jehan, come here and take the needle as I pass it through then hand it to me again?" He frowned "I can't use my left arm." Blood was dripping from his sleeve to the bed

Jehan nodded and knelt down beside Joly, doing as he'd asked. He was shaking a bit, worried about his friends. 

'Ferre slowly closed his eyes, unable to stay awake any longer, as the pain was becoming too much. 

"It's okay 'Ferre-" Joly whispered, Joly finished quickly and laid beside him feebly "thanks Jehan."  
he passed out.

"Joly!" Jehan shouted, shaking him gently. "Joly, you have to wake up. Tell me what to do..how do I help you?" He asked, his hands trembling. 

'Ferre sat up slowly, dragging Joly's med kit over. "It's okay.. I'll take care of him..." He mumbled, beginning to carefully clean the wound so that he could see better as he tried to remove the bullet. 

Joly opened his eyes and cried out as the pain forced his body into shock, he started having a seizure. 'Ferre quickly forced him onto his side, trying his best to keep him calm. "It's okay, Joly. I've got you. It's okay."

Joly fell still and his brown eyes stared softly from the sockets, his breathing started to degenerate into shallow shaking coughs.  
Jehan laid down beside him, pulling him gently to his chest. "Shh, Joly. It's okay. You're going to be just fine. We'll take care of you. Try to match my breathing, okay?" 

Enj moved closer to them, gently carding his fingers through Joly's hair. "We're here, Jol. It's going to be alright.." He whispered, trying to soothe his friend.

Joly tried to match Jehan's breathing but failed - he started into a coughing fit and shook in Jehan's arms, he looked at Combeferre, Jehan rubbed his back gently. "It's okay, Joly. It's alright, just focus on breathing, okay? You'll be fine."

'Ferre was leaning against the wall, trying his best to stay awake. He was deathly pale, his breathing much too shallow. He wanted to help Joly before he rested though. He needed to help Joly.

Joly mouthed out something that sounded like "Rest - 'Ferre - re-st -" he looked at Jehan "Take care of everyone for me? And, if I die, - bury me beside Boussuet and help Chetta as much as you can when he or she comes?" He closed his eyes softly, Jehan nodded slowly, tears rolling quickly down his cheeks. "I will, Joly. I promise.." 

'Ferre shook his head and moved closer to Joly, beginning to carefully remove the bullet before stitching the wound. He was as gentle as possible, not wanting to cause Joly any more pain.

"Rest 'Ferre? Please?" Joly touched Combeferre's hand gently " 'Ferre, Chetta's gonna have a baby - she hasn't told anyone else yet - just us -" he gave a soft smile and looked blankly up at him,  
He smiled softly. 

"That's great, J-Joly.." He mumbled, squeezing his hand gently before falling back, his eyes closed. 

"'Ferre!" Enj shouted, moving over to him quickly.

Joly got up and staggered to Combeferre "Hey - come on 'Ferre!? 'Ferre!?" He held him tightly and checked his vitals "Come on come on 'Ferre?"  
He laid completely limp in Joly's arms. His heart was barely beating and his breathing was almost too faint to feel. He was barely holding on. 

Enj and Jehan stayed close to Joly and 'Ferre, worried for them both.

Joly stood up and started carrying Combeferre outside "I'm taking 'Ferre to the hospital and know one try and stop me -"

Enj and Jehan both shook their heads. They weren't going to try and stop him. They followed him outside, intending to go with him.

Joly ran down the hill towards the Necker hospital and tried not to fall as he focused on his and Combeferre's breathing "Come on 'Ferre? You can't do this- you aren't allowed to die - you can't -" 'Ferre's breathing had slowed to almost nothing by the time they arrived, his heart slowing quickly.

Joly burst through the doors "Doctor! F-ing Doctor!? We need a f-ing Doctor here!?" Joly ran straight past the front desk and pointed quickly at a doctor "You! Meet me in room 24601! Operating room!" He ran into a room and set Combeferre down on the operating table " 'Ferre don't you die on me- don't you die on me -"

Jehan and Enjolras paced in the waiting room, afraid that they'd be losing Combeferre next.

'Ferre was barely clinging to life. His vitals were absolutely terrible and he was now gasping weakly for air. He was fading fast.


	5. The Only Way

Joly had hooked 'Ferre up to a breathing mask before he had been thrown out of the operating room. Nervously he paced back and forth outside the operating room doors, he then went back to the waiting room and walked through the maze of chairs, not seeing Enjolras or Jehan as he stumbled through the chairs towards a medical storage closet in the hallway down the way. 

Jehan immediately spotted Joly and followed after him, knowing that he likely needed some comforting. 

Enj stayed in the waiting room, calling Courfeyrac. 'Ferre needed him here.

Joly opened the door of the storage closet and disappeared inside, locking the door and falling to his knees with large tears rolling down his face

Jehan sat outside, not wanting Joly to be alone. He was crying softly, afraid to lose another friend. They couldn't lose 'Ferre.. "Jehan? I can hear you crying -" the lock clicked "Get in here?" Jehan nodded and ran inside, immediately pulling Joly into a hug, Joly hugged him too, he looked a torrid mess of his conflicted emotions, he'd ruffled his hair into chaos and his face was blank and wet from tears, he'd started pulling stitches out again. He wasn't himself anymore, Jehan held him close, trying his best to offer him some comfort. "Enj is calling Courfeyrac. We thought that he should be here.." He said, trying to fill the silence.

Joly nodded softly and looked at the stitches "They threw me out of surgery." Jehan nodded slowly. "I'm sure it's because they know that you're too close to 'Ferre. You were really upset too.. Do you really think you'd be able to handle seeing 'Ferre like that..?" Joly nodded softly and then shook his head "I can't stand idly by and not do anything - give me something to do? Anything would be better than the hellish alternative of waiting - give me something to do?" His eyes were red and tear stained and he was a mess "I need something to do -" Jehan nodded and stood slowly. "We could see if they'll let you in now. I'm sure having you there would help 'Ferre."

Joly nodded and staggered up, coming out of the medical storage closet as Courfeyrac arrived

Jehan smiled softly as he saw Courfeyrac, glad that he was there. "Hey, Courf.." He whispered, wiping away a few tears.

Joly stood there and couldn't look at Courfeyrac, he walked blankly past him and started to pour a cup of coffee at the small coffee station the hospital had for waiting patients, he absentmindedly spilled the coffee over the counter and blankly looked down as hot droplets burned his hand. Usually he would have gone up to Courfeyrac and hugged him, this time, he couldn't bring himself to do it and, he wasn't acting himself.

Jehan walked over to Joly and carefully pulled the coffee out of his hands. "Joly, are you alright?" He asked, worried by how unlike himself his friend seemed. He'd never seen him like this before, Joly just stared blankly down at his hand, not talking, tears welled at the corners of his eyes and his face looked increasingly worried and frightened, "Oh, Joly.." Jehan whispered, pulling his friend into a hug. "It'll be okay.." 

Joly kept staring down at his hand, looking almost comatose in nature, his usually worried features now very blank "H-has Courf shown up yet?" He muttered and took his coffee cup, spilling the contents onto the table, floor, and over his hands, he looked up at a doctor that had just chanced to walk by and was staring disapprovingly at the mess of coffee "What!? You've never seen a mess before!?" Joly almost yelled and the Doctor scampered off, Joly looked at Jehan blankly "Courf here yet?" Jehan nodded. "Yeah, Jol. Courf showed up just a few minutes ago." He said, smiling softly, though his eyes gave away his concern.

Joly looked frantic "When! I should have told him - when!? I didn't walk past him did I?" He spilled his coffee again and cursed - which was weird in itself, because Joly never cursed "I can't see him - I'll burst out crying or just keep apologizing or - I don't want to - I can't - they won't let me help him- they forced me out and I can't fix him or -" he looked down at his feet "I'm a failure and I can't have Courf see me - it's -" Jehan nodded slowly. "Yeah..you walked right past him." He whispered, his concern growing by the second. "You're not a failure, Joly. And Courf needs us right now. He needs all of us."

 

Joly turned and looked blankly at Courfeyrac, his mouth hanging open, he looked quite daft.  
"H-hey - Courf." He started walking towards the operating room and rolled up his sleeves, cursing under his breath, He was escorted out by two doctors a minute later, they frog marched him into the waiting room and threw him to a chair, walking away with Joly yelling curses at them, hair wild around his face "I'm a medical student! I can help!"

Courfeyrac was standing helplessly at the door of the medical operating room, all his usual vigor gone. He was shaking nervously and barely heard Joly.

Enj walked over and wrapped his arm around Courf, rubbing his friend's back gently. "'Ferre will be alright, Courf. I promise."

Joly ran over and punched one of the doctors who'd escorted him out in the jaw, he then walked past him and into the room, going straight to helping with the operation. He turned very pale when he saw Combeferre, He kept his hands steady as he threaded the needle for the doctor.

Enj stayed with Courfeyrac, hugging him tightly.

Joly came out a minute later yelling at the doctors "Who the hell cares if I did!? He deserved it! I'm a med student for gods sake! Give me a job! He's my friend! I can't leave his side! I've got to look out for him! You jerks - you f-Ing - hey Enj, Courf," he wiped his nose which was bleeding a bit "Hey."

Courf bristled at the touch which was very, very unlike him. He didn’t hug back or do much more than stiffen at the embrace and Joly’s yelling, Enj just held him closer, rubbing his back gently. "I'm so sorry, Courf.." “He’s going to be alright... right?” he asked in a small shaking voice, trying to keep from crying. "I don't know, Courf.." He whispered, thinking back to how bad off 'Ferre had been when they brought him in. He hoped he'd be okay, but it didn't look too good.

“I can’t lose him, Enj... I can’t lose him!” he pleaded. He hugged him back weakly, resting his head on his shoulder with a shaky sigh. “He can’t die, he’s our guide!” Enjolras rubbed his back gently. "I know, Courf. I know.." He whispered, trying his best to keep from crying. He didn't want to lose 'Ferre. He couldn't. 

“Enjolras, what would we do without him? He’s, he’s-“ Courf had no idea how to even begin to describe ‘Ferre. He was... He was such a huge part of their group. He was the one who got the meetings back on track when Enjolras and Grantaire used to have their spats. He was the one, who with Joly, helped to patch everyone up after a protest gone wrong. He was as passionate as Enjolras sometimes, as kind as Jehan. He was the man Courfeyrac loved, he couldn’t lose him...

"I don't know.." He whispered, staring at the floor as he struggled to keep from crying. 'Ferre was one of his closest friends- he didn't know what he'd do if he didn't make it out of this.

He was crying now, hot tears running down his cheeks. “Enjolras...” he began in a voice uncharacteristically small and weak “Tell me he’s going to be alright? I need to hear it from y-you...” "He'll be okay, Courf. He's strong." He whispered, wiping his friend's tears away with his thumb. "Do you want me to go and see if there's any news?" 

Courf was torn. On one hand he didn’t want Enj to leave, he needed someone to hug him and tell him it was going to be alright. On the other hand he wanted news of ‘Ferre more than anything. In the end he nodded. “Please” 

"Alright. I'll be right back." He said, slowly pulling away from Courf before running off down the corridor to ask for news on 'Ferre's condition. He returned with tears in his eyes.

Courf looked terrified. If the news had left Enjolras almost in tears it couldn’t have been good. “Is he-? What’d they say?” "He's out of surgery, but he's not in good shape.. His vitals are still really unstable and he's not able to breathe on his own..the bullet grazed one of his lungs." Enj whispered, his voice nearly breaking a few times- something was incredibly rare. "They said you could go see him though..that maybe having you there will help him fight." His face fell even further at the news but he nodded resolutely. “I have to see him, where-“ He was cut off by a slight sniffling sob, which he tried to mask. “Where’d they transfer him t-to?” "They have him in the ICU. I can walk you to his room.." He said, his hands trembling from fear. They couldn't lose him. 'Ferre was part of their family.

Courf took his trembling hand in his, they were together in this even if they were both falling apart. He attempted a small smile, though it came out more as a slightly uplifting grimace. “Lead on, Chief...” Enj smiled faintly at that and led him toward the room 'Ferre had been moved to. "Would you like me to come in with you?" He asked, wanting to be there for Courf.

“Th-Thank you, Enj... And if you want” Courf shrugged gently, he didn’t want to monopolize his time with ‘Ferre but at the same time... “You might also want to check in with your boyfriend though, last I saw R he was trying to get Joly outta trouble for punching that guy” Enjolras nodded softly "Only if you'd like me to. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." He said, not even wanting to think how he'd feel if it was 'Taire in Combeferre's position.. "I'll speak with Grantaire once I know you're alright." Courfeyrac gave a grateful smile. “I’m fine, Enj, go find your boyfriend” Enj nodded, pulling Courf into a quick hug before running off to find R.

Courf hugged him back tight before turning his attention to ‘Ferre. He didn’t know if he could take the sight of his love lying pale and sickly in a hospital bed but he damn well wasn’t going to let Combeferre go through this alone.

R was still engaged in a heated argument with the doctor about Joly’s actions when Enj found him.

'Ferre was still unconscious, his skin deathly pale. He was wrapped in several blankets to try and raise his temperature, which was quite low at the moment. He was clearly in dreadful shape, lying on his hospital bed and surrounded by machines that were keeping him alive, one of which was currently breathing for him. 

Enj hurried over to his boyfriend. "R, what's going on?"

Courf dropped into the chair beside his bed, taking his hand tightly. He was cold, cold as ice and Courf could see the veins through his ashen skin. “Hey now, I’m here...” he murmured softly “We’re all real worried for you, ‘Ferre, you’re in pretty bad shape. I know you’ll be fine though, you’re a strong guy. That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you”

Grantaire turned to Enj and his face softened slightly though he still looked furious. “This... ‘gentleman’ here” It was clear R had other words for the doctor before him but was wisely not voicing them “Cannot seem to understand that Joly’s actions were done in a fit of passion and meant no harm. Joly isn’t going to do anything else but this man insists we take him him anyway. I’m trying to explain he isn’t leaving this hospital until ‘Ferre does...” 

Joly was scowling at the doctor from behind Grantaire "He deserved it." He muttered 

'Ferre's hand twitched slightly in Courf's grasp a few minutes later, his eyes opening slightly. 

Enj nodded and kissed Grantaire's cheek. "Let me speak with him?" He asked, hoping that he'd be able to use his gift with words to convince the man to let Joly stay.

“Combeferre?” Courf inquired hesitantly then remembered he had an oxygen mask on. He stood up and clutched his hand tighter so ‘Ferre could see and feel his presence there with him.

“Please, Apollo” he nodded, returning the small peck. 

'Ferre smiled weakly, trying his hardest to get his eyes to focus on Courf. Courfeyrac was incredibly glad that he was there by his side. “Hey, there sleepyhead” he joked, choking back the tear that threatened to fall “Glad to see you’re awake, you had me scared as hell”

Enj nodded, smiling warmly as he began to talk to the man, explaining the situation and trying to convince him to let Joly stay.

The man at first held firm but soon was agreeing with Enjolras and acquiesced to letting Joly stay as long as Enj and R watched over him.

'Ferre gave his hand a weak squeeze, trying to reassure him, though he was too weak to speak yet. He was worried about the others, but having Courf there was certainly helping. 

Enj grinned and shook his hand, thanking him.

Courf rubbed the back of his palm gently. He saw the slightly worried look in Combeferre’s hazy eyes and sighed. Knowing ‘Ferre he was worried about everyone else despite being shot. “The others are alright, just waiting on you to get better for us...”

The doctor nodded and waved him off, going back about his work. ‘Taire was positively exuberant, well as exuberant as he could be under the circumstances, and kissed Enjolras soundly on the lips. “Have I ever told you how much I love you? I was ready to smack that man...” 

'Ferre nodded slightly, glad that the others were okay. He reached his hand up a bit to try and stroke Courf's cheek, but could only manage to lift it a few inches off of the bed before his strength failed him. 

Enj chuckled a bit and kissed him back. "I love you too, mon cher. I'm glad you didn't have to smack him."  
Courfeyrac bent down a little bit and gently pressed his arm. “Don’t move too much, okay? You need your strength to recover...” He hesitantly reached down to run a hand through Combeferre’s matted and tousled hair, trying to ignore how cold his forehead was at the touch.

Grantaire pulled away, still holding Enj’s hand. “You know I would’ve” he laughed. His face sobered slightly as he studied Enjolras “How are you holding up, mon ange?”

Combeferre nodded a bit and leaned into Courf's touch, closing his eyes in contentment. 

Enj shrugged. "I'm a bit sore from the scuffle I was in earlier. I'm mostly worried about 'Ferre and Joly though. Jol is taking this pretty hard."

Courf couldn’t help but smile down at ‘Ferre. He was so happy and proud he was able to comfort him like that even in the hardest times. He gently pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Grantaire frowned and squeezed his hand lightly. His beloved was always so worried for others he often forgot about himself. “I wasn’t talking about physically...” he murmured “I mean are you alright? You and ‘Ferre, you two are best friends. I can tell it’s hit you hard...”  
'Ferre smiled weakly up at him, mumbling his name softly. 

Enj sighed, looking down. "I held Combeferre, held him after he got shot. He was so scared, R..I've never seen him like that before. And then he just kept getting worse.." He murmured, struggling to keep from crying. He'd thought for a moment that 'Ferre was going to die in his arms. 

Courf continued to lovingly stroke his hair, talking to him in low, gentle tones.

Grantaire embraced his dear lover, pulling him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms gently about his shoulders and neck, resting Enj’s head on his shoulder so he could cry if he needed to without any prying eyes. He knew how Enj was about that. “It’s okay, he’s gonna be alright, Enj...” he whispered soothingly “Courf’s in with him now, he’ll make it through. I’ve got you now...”

Joly was watching Enjolras and Grantaire blankly he then hightailed it down a hallway. 

"'S Enj o-okay..?" He asked, his voice sounding small and weak. He was worried for Enj due to how badly he'd been injured earlier and because he remember how worried he'd been after he'd been shot. 'Ferre just hoped he was taking it easy. 

Enj nodded slowly and allowed himself to cry softly into Grantaire's shoulder, finally releasing some of the stress of the day. He held R tightly as he cried, thankful that at least he was okay. He didn't know what he'd do without his beloved artist.

Courfeyrac nodded. "Yeah, Enj's alright. He's with R now, they're both okay..." he told him "But don't talk, you shouldn't try to overexert yourself"

R rubbed his back and pressed soft kisses into his hair. Poor Enj, he had been through so much, Grantaire just wanted to comfort him as best he could. "It's okay, it's okay. Let it all out..." R held him tight in his arms and rocked gently on his feet to calm him.

'Ferre nodded slowly, his eyes beginning to slip closed again. "'M cold.." 

Enj pulled away a few minutes later. "We need to check on Joly.. Make sure he's okay." He said, wiping away his tears.

"I'll go get you another blanket, okay? You get some rest in the meantime..." he instructed, planting a kiss on his forehead.

R nodded, still gently holding his hand.

Joly had gone back into the med storage closet and was curled up and crying, he couldn't believe he'd lost Boussuet he'd lost him - he couldn't lose Combeferre. His head tilted up at Grantaire's voice, He moved to lock the door. 

Grantaire and Enjolras were looking for him, unsure of where he scurried off to. He locked the door and the click sounded loudly, he hung back at the door, R noticed and figured Joly must have been hiding in there. He knocked gently on the door. “Joly?” Joly fell back into a bunch of stacked glass jars and cried out, slapping his hands over his mouth quickly, He didn't want Grantaire or Enjolras to see him like this. 

“Joly? Joly, please come out...” he murmured softly, hand hesitating above the doorknob, Joly scrabbled over the broken glass and unlocked the door "Come in. 'Ferre okay!?" His eyes widened softly and he tried to tidy himself up. 

Enjolras nodded a bit. "He's out of surgery now. Courf is with him."

Joly opened the door and pulled Grantaire and Enjolras into the med closet "What's happened!?" He shut the door and sat down on the ground, cross legged.

"He made it through surgery and they moved him into intensive care.." He said, biting his lip. "Courf went in to sit with him and, judging by the fact that I haven't heard anything else, I'm assuming that 'Ferre Is doing alright for the time being. Courf would tell us if he was doing any worse."  
“Exactly” R nodded, still clinging to Enj’s hand.

Joly laid back down in the broken medical glass and smiled softly up at them "I'm glad." Then, he broke down into tears, R picked him up into his arms, gentle as he could, mindful of the glass. “Oh Joly, he’s going to be alright. Don’t cry...” He still didn’t know about Bossuet. 

Joly dug his head into R's neck and started crying "I can't lose anyone else today!" He started crying "I can't I can't I - I -" he whimpered softly and burrowed closer "I can't lose anyone else! I I lost Boussuet! I can't lose 'Ferre too!" 

“Boss- Bossuet? He’s not...?” R looked stricken. “Joly, ‘Ferre’s the only one in the hospital, Boss is-“

Joly pushed him away gently and tried to stand, he was crying, free falling tears dropping to the ground "He he - he didn't make it -" he walked out, shouldering Enjolras out of the way, and bulleted down the hallway to Combeferre's office, he closed the door, fell to the floor and clutched at his chest, just above his heart, which he wanted to tear out and stitch up, from the million pieces it was in - or just take it out and never feel again - just make the pain go away - make it go away? His heart hurt so much, just make the pain go away!? 

Grantaire ran after him worriedly. “Joly! Joly, come back!”

Joly had forgotten to lock the door. He just kind of crumpled to the floor and had started crying. He couldn't live without Boussuet, R opened it hesitantly, kneeling down beside him. “Joly...?”

Joly whimpered and turned away He quickly wiped the tears away and put on a face "Hi, what's up?"  
Enjolras entered behind Grantaire. "Are you alright, Joly?" 

Joly shook his head "It's - after Boussuet - I I can't lose you or 'Taire or Jehan or 'Ferre, I can't lose anyone else- and Chetta she - I can't lose her or anyone," he buried his head in his hands and started crying.

Grantaire hugged him, rocking him gently back and forth. "Joly, we aren't going to lose anyone else..." Enj smiled softly, trying to reassure his friend. "Joly, would seeing 'Ferre make you feel better?"

"Boussuet isn't coming back home tonight - he'll never come in and bump his silly head or need me to stitch him up or cure any illness - he's not coming home -" he whimpered softly and buried his head in Grantaire's neck, hot tears trailing down his face, Joly looked up at Enjolras and nodded

"I know, I know... I'm so sorry..." R hugged him tighter and helped him to his feet "C'mon, let's go see 'Ferre" Joly leaned against him and took Enjolras's hand "Could you help me walk? I feel my legs might give out." Enj nodded. "Of course, Joly." He said, holding his hand tightly as he began to slowly walk toward Ferre's room. "I'm sure he'll be glad to see you." "We're always happy to help" Grantaire assured him, draping the med student's arm over his shoulder and wrapping his own around his thin waist. They walked like this to go see 'Ferre, making slow but steady progress

Joly was shaking like a leaf and started to breath softly in and out, trying to hide his fear and nerves. 'Ferre was awake when they entered, smiling warmly at the three of them, though he grew concerned when his eyes locked onto Joly. "Joly..are you alright..?" He asked, trying to sit up a bit. Courfeyrac was at his side in seconds, easing him back down. "'Ferre? Don't try to sit up, you're still really weak..." Joly nodded and tried to stop shaking. His skinny frame was shaking like a leaf as he tried to hide it "F-fine. Fine, you?" He wiped his nose and eyes. 

"I'm feeling better than I was earlier.. And I've got this one fussing over me." He said, smiling warmly over at Courf.  
Courf leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Fussing's what I do best" he grinned.

Grantaire rolled his eyes good naturedly.

Joly nodded "g-g-good -" he forced a smile and turned around quickly "Boussuet is here somewhere, morgue probably - I'm just gonna -" he turned around and forced another smile "I'm happy you're okay - I was worried - I punched a doctor - I should go -" he had started babbling, Close to tears, "I'm glad you're okay and that Courf frets about you and stuff." He looked away and fell against the wall "So, I should go."

'Ferre shook his head. "Stay.. I like having all of you here where I know you're safe..." He whispered, closing his eyes for a few moments.

Joly stood up and shook his head frantically trying to keep the tears at bay "I've got to - Boussuet -" it came out so soft it was almost inaudible, he looked from Courfeyrac to Combeferre and then from Enjolras to Grantaire "I can't stay here."

He'd started to cry and shake again

Grantaire noticed his glance and separated himself from Enjolras. He went to Joly and hugged him. "I'll go with you..." he said softly "He is- was my friend. You two were always my best friends..."

Joly shook his head frantically, shaking and holding himself up by holding onto the wall "I don't know what to do - you can stay with Enj - I'll just look in on Jehan and then - 'Taire - I don't know what to do!" He slid down the wall and started screaming softly, choking on his tears, his shoulders shaking brokenly "Help me? Just -" he hit the wall "You can't be dead! Boussuet! No! No! No - you c-can't." He stood up and started for the door "I'm gonna check on Jehan."

Enjolras nodded a bit. "Do you want one of us to come with you?"

Joly nodded and then shook his head "I I don't know- I don't know anything anymore - I just want to die- just go where Boussuet is - but - I can't go because of Chetta and the baby and the babies father is Boussuet and - it should've been me - I should be the one that's dead-" he burst out crying and tried to stop, giving Courfeyrac and Combeferre a glance "Is 'Ferre asleep? I don't want to wake him." He covered his mouth to stop from giving a broken cry. 

Combeferre shook his head, slowly opening his eyes. "No, Joly. I'm still awake. Is there any way I can help you..?" He asked, hating that his friend was so upset.

Joly nodded "Kill me? Write me some sort of prescription and just turn your head away? And don't remember me like this?" He looked at his friends and sighed softly "And, don't tell Chetta?" 

Combeferre tried to get up, wanting to comfort his friend. "Absolutely not. We're not going to lose you too. We can't." 

Enj raced forward, gently easing 'Ferre back into bed. "Don't, 'Ferre. You're still very weak.."

Joly broke down into sobs "I just can't anymore -" he stood up and stumbled to the door "I'm sorry - you're hurt and we almost lost Enj and Jehan and - I'm being selfish - I'm sorry - but, truth is- I'm unable to see happy couples around me and think I'll never have that again - and it's not any of your faults - it's mine - if I'd just moved and hadn't frozen in place - if Boussuet hadn't had to rescue me - he'd still be here and I'd not be going to do what I have to - I'm gonna go down to the morgue and say goodbye - I'll check on Jehan."  
He turned to Combeferre "I'm glad you are okay. I was worried - I punched a doctor by the way - he wouldn't let me help - and I punched him - served him right though-"

'Ferre chuckled a bit. "Oh, Joly. What are we going to do with you?" He asked, trying to cheer his friend up. 

Enj smiled faintly. He wished there was more he could do to help.

Joly burst into tears. 

Jehan rushed into the room. "Joly! There's something you need to see." He shouted, grabbing his friend's arm. "It might make you feel better." Joly frowned "What!?"  
He wiped his eyes and stared blankly "What!? You you aren't hurt or -" "Just follow me!" 

Jehan dragged Joly out of the room and down the hall to another room. He opened the door slowly and led Joly inside. 

Boussuet laid on the bed, extremely pale and unconscious, but alive. Barely. Though it was better than nothing. He was still holding on.


	6. Something You Need

Joly cried out and fell to the ground. 

Jehan wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. 

"He's alive - he's alive? Boussuet!?" He staggered up and took Boussuet's hand, muttering words of love to him in disbelief. He looked up at Jehan and stared at him "Th-thank you." He burst out crying  
"Thank you Jehan - thank you -"

Jehan smiled softly. "You're welcome. I came to get you as soon as I found out that he was here." Joly was breathing frantically, trying to hold back the flood of tears and grief that choked him "I -" he burst out in tears, Boussuet opened his eyes slowly, placing a trembling hand on Joly's arm softly as soon as he had focused a bit on his surroundings. He didn't want him to be so upset. "Joly.."

Jehan stood beside Joly, his hand resting on his shoulder.

Joly stopped crying "Boussuet? Mon Amour? - Boussuet?" He looked back at Jehan as if he didn't believe his eyes, Boussuet smiled weakly. "Hey, Jol.." Joly burst out crying again "H-hey Boussuet - I've got some really great news for you - Chetta's gonna have a baby and you're gonna be the father and and - you scared us so much! Don't you ever - sniffle" He looked down at Boussuet and forced a smile

He smiled a bit wider. "That's great news.. I'm sorry for scaring you." He whispered, his voice sounding a bit weak. 

Jehan walked to the other side of the bed, holding his friend's hand gently. "You had us all worried, mon ami." Joly nodded softly and curled up beside Boussuet "Don't you ever scare us again mon amour," he kissed his ear "Never again?" He wrapped his arms around Boussuet and smiled sleepily up at Jehan. 

 

Bousseut nodded, holding Joly close. "Never again.." He whispered, smiling softly as he closed his eyes.

Joly smiled at Jehan and nodded his thanks before crawling under the covers and closing his eyes himself "Thank you Jehan."

Jehan smiled softly "You're welcome Joly."

Joly fell asleep, cuddled up beside Boussuet, with his head in the hollow of his neck.


End file.
